It's nearly ten-o-clock at night. I can hear the boys shuffling around in their bedroom above me. Boo is already sound asleep, I am sure. Corky is impatiently waiting in her room for her Daddy to get home from work so he can tell her goodnight. But it looks like it's going to be another long night for Mr. Fix-it and Corky will be nestled into dreamland long before he makes it home, even though she's fighting it.
My oven stopped working tonight, right as I was about to pop my casserole in it for tonight's dinner. You see, evening time is the most stressful in our home. The kids are always whiny and hungry, I am always busy in the kitchen, and Mr. Fix-it never makes it home to sit with us at the table for dinner. Do you have days like that?
So I attempted to be productive earlier in the day and made my casserole ahead of time so that all I had to do was bake it right before the kids awoke from their naps. I was trying to eliminate the typical mass chaos of our evenings which typically begins at dinner time and lasts until baths are over and the kiddos are finally in their pajamas. THEN all of the sudden they are the cutest, sweetest, giggliest kids to be around. But I still put them to bed anyway! :)
Anyway, the oven never heated although it was emitting gas fumes every time I tried and retried to turn it on....which means there is probably something wrong with the igniter thingy. Which I know nothing about. And yes, Mr. Fix-it does but he hasn't been home before dark in over a month now and I don't think he's going to feel like tinkering with a stubborn oven at midnight.
So I have a cold, uncooked casserole in my fridge and I will pray over that darn oven again tomorrow evening and hope for the best. Skillet chicken fajitas will be my back-up plan.
But for tonight, I loaded up 4 hungry, whiny kids into 4 different car seats and headed to Chick-fil-A to purchase dinner we can't really afford and don't really need.
As I was driving, I managed to tune out the typical chitter chatter (and yes, fussing, fighting, and crying, too!) that fills the van and took some time to think. Some time to process. Some time to.just.breathe.
Because honestly, life is hard. And for me, life can be very lonely. My job as a wife and a mother has been hands-down the most fulfilling calling of my life. But it has also been the most exhausting, most overwhelming, and most lonely calling at times, too.
You see, I'm an introvert. Big time. And I have just a handful of sweet friends who are usually all busy with their own lives. Doesn't it just seem that everyone is just BUSY all the time? And my sweet husband works his tail off for our family, but bless his heart, he certainly doesn't want to stay up and talk after a 14 hour work day. And I can't blame him for that.
And our church is tiny, and I don't see any of my siblings, and my parents aren't involved, and Mr.Fix-it's family isn't particularly close-knit either, and did I mention that I am a big time introvert who has yet to introduce myself to many of the neighbors on our street? Major fail.
Because I am busy, too. All the time. Aren't we all? It just seems that everyone is always so busy. Too busy for friendships, conversations, cups of coffee, emails to check in, phone calls just to say hello, visits just to let them know you care....everyone seems so busy for any of that. And I have been terribly guilty of the same.
But let's face it, motherhood can be lonely. You spend the entire day tending to the pressing needs of your chubby-faced children and caring for all other aspects of the home and family (plus an outside job for the career mamas out there) and at the end of the day you just feel exhausted and sometimes so very alone.
And some women are truly blessed to have more mentors, more babysitters, more friends, closer family members, and nosier neighbors than other women have. (although every woman has their own struggles of some sort) I'll be honest, I secretly envy all you mothers who have lunch or coffee dates with friends or ladies bible studies to go to, or whose Mom will drop by to watch the kids just so you can have "me time" (what the heck is "me time" anyway....you're speaking Greek to me!) or Friday date nights with your husbands - because those things are just not available to me in this season of my life. Surely there are some women out there who, like me, sit at their computer in the stillness of the night and wonder why it's just the same five people who like all of your Facebook posts! :) Where oh where did my social life go?
But you know what, it's in these moments of stillness - these quiet days of no phone calls, or friends to rush off to see, or family visiting, or emails to read, or people to "vent to" - when it's just YOU because everyone else is busy, busy, busy.....those are some of my most precious moments alone with God.
Honestly, I believe that the Lord is teaching me so much about relying on Him during times of trouble - whether it's financial trouble, motherhood stress, feeling alone or abandoned by your family, snubbed by a friend or church member, or one of many other relationship issues, etc. These frequent moments of being alone and troubled are times that the Lord is most near.
Because HE is enough! Believe it or not, I can personally vouch that our Lord is enough to meet our needs and quench our thirsts and calm our troubles. I have witnessed this personally time and time again. Yes, we are still human and having others to fellowship with is sooo important (and I am prayerful that more of those opportunities will arise for me as my kids get older and I don't feel so trapped at home as much) but for such a time as this, I am marvelling in the greatness of my God - who sees little ole' me all alone in the stillness of the night. He sees me and my imperfections, and my past mistakes, and my future sins. He sees me and my desires, and my needs, and my worries, and my fears, and every piece of my heart...
He sees ME, even when I feel invisible!
So if you're like me, and the world isn't always full of lots of people to surround you and help you carry the burdens of life or cheer you on or if you wonder how someone can have 32 flippin' likes on a picture of their cat for crying out loud and your pictures of your adorably mischievous children get scrolled right over, (I kid, I kid....but seriously....) then take these moments of loneliness, open up God's Word, and allow Him to completely fill you with His guidance and His goodness.
Girlfriend, you are NOT invisible to Him!
And then, find a way to bless someone else. Stretch yourself out of your comfort zone, step away from the constant busyness of your own life for a moment, and search for some other lonely mother out there who is up to her neck in piles of laundry and hasn't seen a hair brush all day - and find a way to let her know you care, and that everything is gonna be alright! :) Because I'm betting there are plenty of other lonely mamas out there who could really use that!
And now a picture of my adorably mischievous bunch of kids because who wants a blog post without a picture?? ;-)
Be blessed! Because I sure am! xoxo
